Verbal vs Non-Verbal Communication
Albert Mehrabian was one of the first to distinguish between verbal and non-verbal communication, asserting that only 10% of our communication is reflected verbally, and 90% is non-verbal. Although this equation has been debated, few dispute the finding that our nonverbal communication has a greater impact on our social-emotional well-being and our ability to create high-quality relationships.
So, how aware are you of your communication patterns, both verbal and nonverbal?
When teaching online, I often create videos for my students and often cringe upon reviewing the content. I noticed how frequently I overused certain words. My father, a bit of a word snob, would tease me for ending my sentences with the word “right”. He said it made me sound like I needed others to affirm my message. You might be thinking who really cares!
The Unspoken Conversation
Even more powerful than our words is the way we communicate without them.
Consider eye contact—how does it feel when someone you are talking to avoids your gaze? Does this increase or decrease your sense of connection? What about social distance, or personal space? How does it feel when someone stands too close or too far away?
It is also important to consider cultural differences in relationships and across cultures.
For instance, research findings in the 2017 Journal of Cross-cultural Psychology (volume 4, pages 577 to 592) surveyed 8943 participants in 42 countries, and found notable differences in personal space between friends and family of roughly 2.5 (Argentina is known for the least personal space) to 4.5 feet (Romania is the most). Differences also occur between males and females.
The timing, intensity and tone equally shape the message we convey to others.
For instance, do you speak quickly and dominate the conversation, or do you slow down, allowing space for reflection and giving others the opportunity to engage and respond? The subtle and not-so-subtle cues shape how others experience us and whether they feel safe, heard and connected.
As you reflect on your own communication, consider the following:
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- Pause and reflect on how another is taking in your message
- Notice your tone, pace, and the reciprocal nature of the conversation
- Reflect on what you might be communicating beyond your words.
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Working as a psychotherapist
I help individuals gain insight into their communication styles and patterns. We examine the words you use and those you do not use. If you need some support in this area, please do not hesitate to reach out and make an appointment. I offer a 15-minute consultation to help you assess your needs and a plan of action. If you would like to know about upcoming communication courses or workshops, please sign up for my newsletter.
